Wow! Nancy Pelosi Ends Racism with a Kente Stole
Who knew an accessory could change the world?
Irrational Takes is a satirical column that highlights the nonsense and bullshit in current events.
Illustration by Ally Hart; Photo credit: AAP
WASHINGTON — On Monday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi dealt a death blow to American systemic racism when she and fellow House and Senate Democrats wrapped themselves in Ghanaian kente stoles and knelt on the floor of the Capitol Visitor Center to honor George Floyd.
The effect was immediate. Within moments of Pelosi’s emergence in kente garb, reports began circulating that for-profit prisons had been permanently shuttered, redlining efforts had ceased, and police departments across the country had opted to channel the entirety of their funding into education, healthcare, reparations, and affordable housing.
Karen Smith, who runs the popular lifestyle blog Mommy’s Rosé Recess, weighed in on the matter in her most recent post: “During the moment of silence, I closed my eyes, finding that the non-stop mechanical clicking of the press cameras allowed me to reflect more deeply than ever before on the United States’s long history of systemic racism. It was hard to believe, but I felt in my bones that it was true: racism in America was really over.”
Against the backdrop of global protests demanding justice for victims of police brutality, organizations and companies released statements of solidarity and pledged donations to anti-racist causes. Several days before Pelosi’s appearance put an end to the need for such statements and donations, LEGO pledged $4,000,000 to “organizations dedicated to supporting black children and educating all children about racial equality.”
In the hours following the Democrats’ move, however, LEGO announced that they would commemorate this historical moment by releasing a new set including LEGO Nancy Pelosi and LEGO Chuck Schumer wearing tiny LEGO kente stoles.
A former LEGO employee who wished to remain anonymous responded to our request for comment: “This latest gesture by LEGO is so performative, it makes me sick. But what Nancy Pelosi did… now that’s real work.”
The Democrats’ appearance at the Capitol Visitor Center concluded with the unveiling of the Justice in Policing Act of 2020, a bill geared towards police reform. Activists who previously called on lawmakers to defund the police and abolish prisons responded to this legislation with confusion.
“Now that Nancy Pelosi has single-handedly dismantled white supremacy in America, the bill seems redundant,” said an organizer who had been leading protests in Minneapolis. “Go home people—our work here is done.”
